| .x.Feeling Whole.x. |
[03 Oct 2005|09:32pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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"Calling You" - Blue October |
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I've met someone who makes me feel whole. His name is Michael an he makes me laugh and smile and makes me just really happy. I like him alot very much.
He has a Daughter named Ara shes beautiful, Awesome an very shy. hehe but she roxz! hehe
He came out on sunday with her an we chilled and had a good time. It was fun. Hes just an awesome person.
I like him very much! haha Ive probably said that like 5 times now lmao but i doo doo doo...lol
He takes such good care of Ara its amazeingly sexy.
He has a job, Goes to school, takes care of Ara an some how finds time to talk to me lol..Awesome..lol
I want to give him the best of me in every way i can.
Everytime i hear this song it makes me think of him.
Much love,
Alissa
( Calling You-Blue October )
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| Bored |
[21 Sep 2005|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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<P>I'm so fucking bored right now i couls shoot myself....*NAH*...That would suck.<BR>I'm way more awesomeR than that..I'd go out by being eatin or something..*0o0o* Cannibalism...<BR>Riiight...Ok so anyway...This saturday ...Iz going to be the worst day of my life...<BR>I can already see...I have to go to Frontier City with the fucking Brady Bunch..*o0o0o0o* HOW FUN!!!<BR>Hahaha...Ummm...NO...OK...An yeah...I wanna take a friend so i won't die...<BR>Any takers?...<BR>$15 bucks for guest thats YOU, $5 bucks for me cuz im Immediate family...LOL<BR>Yes i live with the Big hot people known as my Aunt an Uncle an Grandma.<BR>Fuck you if you laughed...Oh what the hell ...I'd laugh at me too. So go ahead...<BR>::BTW:: 2 new pictures...Cuz I rawk you like no other...*LICK*
( L I C K - M E )
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| .x.Inside my head...x. |
[29 Aug 2005|02:26pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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.x.Hello - Evanescence.x. |
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So last weekend i was supposed to go chill with Clint but...He never showed...*shrugs*..Then we planned to chill this past friday but he didnt show...I didnt find out until yesterday why he didnt an it was a very exception excuse so he is forgiven..lmao Then saturday came around and my friend Brandon an i went to the movies an saw The Four Brothers. Excellent movie if i may add.Then yesterday the whole Brady bunch came out an we all had dinner ..wasnt that just peachy???...Hmmmmm
Nope. BOOORING. anyways...I'm out.
:If you know me then you know who and what i am."
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| [x] List 10 things...[x] |
[21 Aug 2005|01:09pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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[x] Children of the wasteland - Blaze [x] |
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List ten things in a day that give you a moment of joy...then tag five of your friends
1 - Listening to music <333
2 - Doing my makeup.
3 - Sleeping.
4 - Taking Pictures.
5 - Chatting with friends.
6 - Cooking.
7 - Watching Wrestleing.
8 - Smoking the herb with Krystin. <333
9 - Taking long baths.
10 - Being an asshole to my brother.
If you wanna do it..Go for it killer.
<3333
"If you know me then you know who and what i am."
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| [x] Home [x] |
[08 Aug 2005|02:48pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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[x] Untitled - Simple Plan [x] |
] |
Well I'm back at home and everything is totally and utterly Caotic. My brothers are staying with us and going to go to skool down here and what knot. An there both staying in my room which i know it sounds a bit selfish and mean but i dont like it at all. I cant even breathe theres so much shit in here man. and then i feel like my room is my private place and my safe place but its not anymore its total caos man and i hate it. I really do...And people wonder why i smoke pot. Well theres one reason...Peace of mind mother fucker.
In other news...My vacation in Kansas was alright...Billie Jean is Spun out bad, Krystin is confused about Matt I dont see why hes a total asshoe to her and he treats her like complete shit but she says she loves him. I guess you cant help who you love. Your not supposed to so she go on with it. BJ is messin around with Ashley which no one likes beuz there jealous of her becuz she is Grade A 100% Stunning. I like her shes the poop. we get along well an we have alot in common i think she maybe my roommate when i get my smashing pad baby YeAaa....Hahaha.
Ah, Yes...I got my Labret' done and it wasnt too bad...It stung a bit but other then that it didnt hurt at all. Krystin was standing over in the front and watching, and when he stuck the needle through she goes "RAWK ON!!" real loud it was great. Its been 4 days, The swelling has gone down and i think i'm gunna change it but i dunno yet. Spike?, Loop?, or Just a regular bar in it?...Hmmm...Decisions...Decisons...Decisons...Hahahaha.
<333
"If you know me then you know who i am."
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| [x] High [x] |
[04 Aug 2005|01:38am] |
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mood |
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high |
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music |
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[x] Cocaine - Eric Clapton [x] |
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So i sit here and im high out of my skull...So i sit here and i write..I write about my feelings and i hear about my dreams...If a person told me that dreams are not for real...I wish they could just dream for once themselves...Ya know man just to see...Cuz man i tell you what man if most people had dreams they'd understand why so many of us and children Umm hahaha People today man have HIGH Hopes for things in life...Or atleast smoke a little reefer and feel yourself man like deep within man and just let it fuckin go man for real man..Just let all fuckin go man... Fuck im sooo high ya'll for real im fuckin trippin balls right now man oh fuck yes!!..LMAO K im gone... Bye <3333
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| 9'AM Letterz |
[22 Jul 2005|11:02pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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[x] Still Tippin - Mike Jones [x] |
] |
I got 2 letters from Jason yesterday and Hes doin good he thinks they're gunna transfer him to a votec for his last 16 months..So hopefully that all works out. He wants me to be his gf...I'm not sure if i can do that...Hes a good friend and Ive known him for what seems like forever..But I love him no more than just a friend..Like a brother almost...
Heres myself in all my ghey glory...
( +3 )
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[12 Jul 2005|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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[x] Numb [x] - Linkin Park |
] |
So...I feel like writing once again Im bored and need to let shit just go...
Im tired of everything in life an Im tired of the way people think...
Last few times i seen my cousin Jessica I feel like shes taking over my personality. Like She acts like me and talks like me and pisses me the fuck off big time. And then My gramma I feel shelterd by her she keeps me locked in her little boxs and i cannot exscape. My mother is fucking stupid. She stays with Guys who beat her up...Well Derrick beat her again an this time she hadda go to the emergency room an I swear i dunno weither to be Sad or Angry or feel nothing atall. Im drained im lonely im sad im not anything...Im just a blob of Rotting flesh in a ball that people call earth and the earth is nothing but a big lie that sucks people into its shell of lies and voilence of complete and utter Bullshit.
Goodnight an Goodbye.
<3333
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| [x] Alone , Once again... [x] |
[12 Jul 2005|08:23pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
] |
Yea...I Just really wanna turn the air conditoner on extremely cold and lay completely naked on my bedroom floor an cry...I dont even know what the fuck i just said but inside my head it made perfect sense an made me feel a little happy thinking asbout it....
BUT THEN AGAIN...
i know its teh release of being uncontrained and letting urself just "melt" its liek if u could just let go fo your shape and form an for a while u would an melt into teh floor and then pull yourself back together once you felt righty again... right?..Right.
<333
Lissa
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| [x] I'll Believe It When I See It [x] |
[12 Jul 2005|08:07pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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At this point in my life...Im very much so burnt out on life. The way things are going an how they are going makes me wanna puke on myself just to feel gross for once and know that i once was gross...I dunno i have alot of weid shit runnin through my head at the moment.
So i get a phonecall from my friend Brandon two days ago my friend Shawnas 6 month old baby died ...Dunno how or why but it happend..Then come to find out my moms got beat up by her bf AGAIN...she says this is the last time and she left him for good but she always says that so whutever..Ill believe it when i see it..
Ima start doing that too WITH EVERYTHING
"I'll Believe It When I See It."
<333
Alissa
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| [x] Mid-Day Ramble [x] |
[07 Jul 2005|01:34pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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[x] Broken - Seether [x] |
] |
If you had a chance to fight for something you believed in would you take it? If you were to pass an elderly man in a dark hallway would you still say hello? How about when you yourself get older could have a heart of gold and willing to share it with family and friends?...
Could you wake up every morning without the slightest thought of what you did the day before? If there was a time machine would you take it? Could you cry for hours and drown in your own sorrow?...
Time has an effect on all of us today as people, which whomever we choose to be will lead us to where we need to be. No one else in the world can tell you who you can an cannot be...So If i were to say ..How about you and I take a trip to the other end of the world....Or is there an end of the world?...Or better yet...If you walked around to the othe side of the world...Would there be a other side?
Think about ti for awhile an ask yourself how you feel about ti all and let it flow through ur veins like heroin in a virgin veins arm.
<33333
"If you know me then you know who i am."
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| [x] Useless facts about Muah [x] |
[30 Jun 2005|11:18pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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.x. Fat Sweaty Betty .x. ICP |
] |
Hahaha wanna know some extremely useless info about me?...
here ...
1. I sometimes pick my nose, In public.
2. I used to have a huge crush on WWF's Jeff Hardy.
3. I'm an internet pimp...LOL
4. I have no friends. Seriously.
5. Im straight 100% but Jenna Jameson is Beaaautiful.
6. Violent J and Jamie Madrox are the 2 hottest dudes in the world.
7. Strawberry milkshakes i <333
8. I need NYC Kiss me Gloss to survive.
9. I wear my nightmare before x-mas hoodie All the time even when its hot.
10. I'm obsessed with the color purple.
Supposed to do 50 but i cant ...lol...
I Might do more later when i think of something hahaha.
<3333333
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| [x] Jason [x] |
[29 Jun 2005|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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..::Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana::.. |
] |
So I got a letter from Jason today.
He seems happy and content that I'm back in his life, So i think thats good.
He talks about how he wants to get Married. I've known him forever it seems like. Hes a good kid an I love him alot.
But in my mind and in my heart...All I see is us being friends. Hes like a brother i never had. We kissed One time and it didnt mean anything well atleast i didn think so but Jason keeps saying how he remembers it an how special he felt to have known me or whatever and im just like look...Your my friend, my family that ive never had and I love you just like that..Like my brother and he gets mad and im just like You cant make someone love you...I of all people should know that i suppose...
<3333.
Btw: a few pictures i took yesterday...
( Read more... )
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| .x.Love, Hate, Disgust, Charm, Reject, Feel.x. |
[22 Jun 2005|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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..::Blue and Yellow::.. - The Used |
] |
A Poem i wrote today...
-Love,Hate,Disgust,Charm,Reject,Feel-
When and how you love is not the question, Its more of what your feelings allow you to feel. When you hate do you realize how much baggage Your holding within yourself? I didnt think so hard the last time i was this high...
I'm so disgusted with myself. I see myself inside of me...
I'm cold, I'm Lonely, I'm afraid of me, of my insides and what they feel. Yea...
Does my heart have charm? I don't know but i'd like to think so...
I'm rejected by my own self, by my own heart...
I'm sorry, I can't find the only feeling with in me to hide.
I'm writeing what i feel to you...
Can't you see?...
I'm just me?
~Alissa
"If you know me then you know what and who i am."
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| A Malice Random Thoughts Entry... |
[04 Jun 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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music |
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.x.Milk It.x. - Nirvana |
] |
Sometimes i feel as if...no one listens to what i have to say...Its like i say it and they are there but they dont listen...like really listen...I feel like breaking down in front of them an crying my eyes out but i cant and wont allow myself to do so...
its not that i cant an wouldnt cry in front of that person if i were crying its just I take crying seriously its a serious emotion felt from within its private an personal...feelings only you can feel an If i do it in front of someone then im giving them a piece of me. So if an when i do cry in front of someone i feel joy but also i feel shame an want my feelings back inside me ...its odd but true its like someone stealing them from me...I keep my feelings to myself an lock them awya inside my notebook of anything an everything thats ever been felt inside of myself in the past 3 years...sometimes i read some of the things back to myself and cry cuz shit is crazy man ...Life is weird...but I look forward to the outcome...cuz the bad parts over now.
<333333333
"If you know me then you know who i am."
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| .x.Random Love Poem.x. |
[10 May 2005|04:18pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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.x.Hands Down.x. - Dashboard Confessionals |
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For my angel never looked quite as beautiful...Until He Smiled.
.x.x.x.Random Love Poem.x.x.x.
I think ive found my angel...
Who will take care of me, Make me happy, Love me for me.
Ive been through hell and back in my lifetime...
Seen love begin and die in one beating...
Heard laughs and crys in one breath...
Saw happiness and pain all within a minute...
And now im going to see Myself in someone else's eyes...
<3333333333
"if you know me then you knwo who i am."
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| .x.A Malice Exclusive Rambling.x. |
[08 May 2005|10:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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.x.Southwest Voodoo.x. - ICP |
] |
Fuck...I am sooo tired of hurting all the time...I do shit for people all teh time..Im a good person...But when it comes to me its liek Fuck Alissa I got better shit to do...How do you tell someone you Love them and then turn around and act like a fuckin idiot and say...Oh i woke up next to a chick friday morning and there was sumthing in her eyes and i was hooked...Like wtf...How does someone deal with some fucked up shit liek that?....
Any fuckin way...
I'm tired as fuck an Out.x.
<3333
MCL
"If you know me then you know who i am."
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| .x.Back In Buisness.x. |
[04 May 2005|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
New Journal iz up!....x.Woot.x.
So this weekend iz pretty filled ....My Aunt Graduates from College TOMMORROW!!!...Kickin Ass .x.Woot.x. You Go chick!!...
Then Mothers day iz Sunday....LOL....x.Woot.x. for that too eh?...LOL....
...like the quote says.."I could be the one who would die to feel you breathe..."
People who spark my interest have come an gone...But He tells me im beautiful an he loves my smile...Everyone who knows me knows A person like how i used to be Never got compliments like that from anyone other than family....Everyone dreams about a person who will make them happy, make them cry, make them feel every feeling known to man to feel...As soon as they enter the crowded room full of people an yet the only person he/she sees is you...Just becuz you would have a love that would be so strong and fragile and comforting...
I want that...I wanna lay on the carpet and stare at the ceiling fan with him and just talk for hours an laugh an be silly...I wanna beable to hear an I love you an know it was the truth with every fiber in my being...To beable to say I love you and mean it and to honestly know I would not want to But if i had to let them go...I would be ok with it...Becuz of Whut i knew we had when we had our time together was real...It wasnt a story of a princess and her prince it was real life...Down to every little detail...Laughing, crying, Argueing, talking, Eveyrhing that would be done together would be sumthing you would never forget becuz You loved that person with everything you had..So much that you couldnt forget...And i say that becuz...Reality...Dreams yes...I love to dream...And i always will be a dreamer but things of that nature Have to be taken seriously...You have to see it in Black & White in order to understand it...Becuz if you dont it will break your heart and you will feel as if you cant go on without them..When deep inside yourself you know you can ...Becuz think about it...Didnt you do just fine without them before they enter'd your life?...right..So...Dont stop dreaming but...Know the difference between it and reality...Think about it...Learn to take it...Even if you may not like it..Becuz sumthing Good iz bound to come of it..Once You tell yourself You are going to be fine...
OK I have rambled long enough...
<333333333
"If you know me then you knwo who i am..."
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